Dr. Abigail Leigh Phillips

A Scattering of Thoughts

  • I’m Going to the Gym! Or, Why I Exercise

    I get a lot of questions about my exercise habits, but recently it feels like people are slightly more curious. During the past six months, I’ve become more active in long distance running and posting about my training and races on social media. This may be the reason for this curiosity. I love talking (and nagging people) about exercise and nutrition, so this seems like a good time to blog about my fitness fanaticism and how exercise has helped me as a PhD student.

    I had no idea when I started working out during my Junior year as an undergrad at University of Georgia that exercise would become a life-long passion. Boredom is what really forced me to go to the gym. It was summer and all my friends had left for home. Exercise became something to do. Now, I don’t even think about whether or not to work out. I wake up and go. I exercise while I travel. I exercise on my birthday. I exercise on holidays. I may be exercising as you are reading this!

    Exercise gives me time to think. I think about so many things, my dissertation, relationships, to-do lists, daydreams. It’s my time to focus on myself and what’s going on in this head of mine. I feel mentally stronger and happier after I work out. Endorphins are great! Also, exercise tires me out physically. I’ve struggled with insomnia since middle school, but exercise helps quiet my overactive mind and uses up some of my excess energy. Instead of dealing with racing thoughts while I’m trying to sleep, I just sleep. I like sleep.

    What I eat is just as important as how much I exercise. I’ve been an almost life-long vegetarian, but during high school and undergrad I ate a lot of junk. Healthy eating just made sense as I began to workout regularly. I started listening to my body more. I paid attention to the foods I ate that made me feel good, and the foods that didn’t. Slowly over the years I’ve become a super healthy eater. There’s always room in my life for foods that some people may call “guilty pleasures”, but I don’t see food as good or bad anymore. Placing food into these categories only leads to dangerous habits (for me anyway). I eat a balanced diet that includes whole grains, fruits, veggies, legumes (weird sounding word), and other yummy things. Being mindful about my eating is more important to me that sticking to a super-strict diet. Once again mindfulness can be used in so many ways!

    I’ll willingly admit to being a gym rat. For most of my exercising life, I’ve worked out alone. To be honest, I tend to get annoyed when people talk to me while I’m working out. Can’t they see I’m in the zone??? But recently, I’m started incorporating non-gym stuff into my exercise routine. I can work out in places other than the gym. There’s a whole world outside of the gym! It’s taken me awhile to realize this and get out of my gym rut. This is where running fits in.

    I love physical challenges! My current challenge is long-distance running. In February, I completed my first half-marathon with a respectable time. (I don’t like to share my times. I run for myself and not to compete against anyone else. If I’m happy with how I ran, that’s all that matters to me.) I have another half lined up for early May. I recently joined a training group that’s part of my local running club. This has drastically improved my running. We run every Sunday morning, adding another mile each week. Running for more than 5 miles alone is a struggle for me. Now matter how amazing of a playlist I make for a run, I hit a boredom wall. If I’m going to run a marathon next year (my goal!), I need a support system that motivates me to run a lot every week. Otherwise, I’ll find some excuse and plateau. I know myself too well. I also have a weekly shorter run with a fellow doc student and friend (Hi Jen!). I love having someone to run with and talk about our PhD lives.

    What are my fitness challenges for the future, you ask? Right now, it’s training for a full marathon. I plan to run it early next year. A few more halfs and I think I’ll be ready. I also want to become a certified group fitness instructor, probably spinning or weight training. I’ve been wanting to do this for years. Now seems like a good time! Another challenge is a 5 minute plank. I can do this. I’m at 3 minutes already! Finally, this spring I’m hoping to join an adult sports league. I’ve never been good at team sports, especially those that require you to hit or catch a ball. But there must be SOMETHING I can play without embarrassing myself. Kickball seems to be a good option. How bad could this go??

    What does this all have to do with my school life? I honestly think that without fitness and healthy eating I wouldn’t be able to deal with the stress of grad school. This felt true while I worked on my MLIS and it’s true now. Exercise has helped me become both mentally and physically stronger. “Healthy body, healthy mind” is a good mantra. I can deal with more than I ever thought I could as a result of my healthy lifestyle. I still struggle with stuff, but I can manage it. When I’m in doubt/anxious/stressed/bummed about my work, I hit the gym or go for a run. Long distance running is hard! So so incredibly hard for me. Running a marathon is good analogy to the doctoral program. It’s a long, grueling process that involves a lot of self-doubt, tears, and frustration. It takes dedication and determination. It’s definitely not for the weak. But the end is wonderful and the pain is worth it!

    Interesting Reads:

    Disclaimer: I’m not a certified personal trainer or nutritionist. I’m just a fitness and healthy eating enthusiast. I may nag the people I love about exercising and eating better, but I can do that because they’re stuck with me. This post is about what works for me. Talk to your doctor before you start or change your fitness or eating routines.

  • The Mindful Presenter

    For as long as I can remember, I’ve had an almost paralyzing fear of speaking in public. Despite the fact that I sung, acted, and improvised on stage while growing up, the idea of presenting my own thoughts and opinions to an audience terrified me. Then, once I became a librarian, that changed. Maybe because I played the role of a “librarian” to an audience instead of “Abby”, but whatever the reason, public speaking didn’t scare me. I loved doing television spots for the library, presenting in front of any age group, promoting the library during public events, and presenting one-on-one with patrons and staff. This confidence vanished when I left the library and became a doctoral student.

    I don’t exactly know why, but I have some ideas. There is something incredibility personal about what you chose to research, especially once you reach the dissertation stage. At least this is the case for me. I’m passionate about what I research. My dissertation consumes most of my waking thoughts, so the idea of someone criticizing my research and calling me out fills me with fear. I also worry that the audience will “see thorough me” in some way and realize that I’m a fake, a terrible researcher, writer, and generally bad person. The Imposter Syndrome is strongly at play here. I’ve written about my struggles with it before. I know logically that these feelings and thoughts aren’t true. But emotionally I don’t. I definitely don’t. This is where mindfulness helps.

    I’ve practiced mindfulness meditation for years following the suggestion of a childhood friend and now practicing therapist. (Well, attempting to practice for the most part. It’s hard.) But I never connected the usefulness of mindfulness to public speaking. Several months ago, one of my committee members recommended the book, Public Speaking for Psychologists: A Lighthearted Guide to Research Presentations, Job Talks, and Other Opportunities to Embarrass Yourself by Paul S. Silvia. Geared towards psychologists but helpful to anyone in the academic world, I love this book.

    Along with many other helpful reflections, the author discusses the use of meditation for reducing public speaking anxiety. He offers up a body-scan approach for use before presentations. Occasionally in yoga, I’m lucky enough to have an instructor who will end the class with a guided body-scan meditation. It’s amazingly relaxing and particularly helpful for those (like me) who have trouble shutting off their mind. I never would have thought about using this type of meditation to combat public speaking anxiety, but it has helped me more than I can express. According to Jon Kabat-Zinn, apparently a fancy name in meditation,

    When we practice the body scan, we are systematically and intentionally moving our attention thought the body, attending to the various sensations in the different regions. That we can attend to these body sensations at all is quite remarkable. That we can do it at will, either impulsively or in a more disciplined systematic way, is even more so. Without moving a muscle, we can put our mind anywhere in the body we choose and feel and be aware of whatever sensations are present in that moment.

    Basically, you slowly scan your body step-by-step, beginning with your head and working down. You pay attention to areas that feel tense or uncomfortable and become aware of what you’re feeling where and why. This slow progression helps keep the mind focused on the meditation and not distracted by everything else in the world (my normal problem with meditation). Better descriptions and free video/audio guided meditations can be found all over the internet. Like here, here, and here. Body-scan meditation is also really helpful for insomnia (Been there too.).

    I have a major presentation coming up on March 16. My prospectus defense! At least a week before, I’ll begin a daily body-scan meditation session. Then, the morning of my presentation I’ll have one more. I realize that for many people mediation can seem wishy-washy and completely useless. I’ve been that person. But for me, this helps. And that’s something.

    Helpful reads!

    • My current read: Dan Harmon of Nightline and Good Morning America fame recently published a book called 10% Happier: How I Tamed the Voice in my Head, Reduced Stress Without Losing My Edge, and Found Self-Help That Actually Works — A True Story. He had a severe panic attack in front of a national audience and now uses mindfulness to deal with stress. I’ve had one major panic attack in front of a much much smaller audience. Worst experience EVER, but I lived.
    • The wonderful Sarabryce, a fellow librarian, recently wrote about her struggles with shyness and public speaking on her blog, Bryce Don’t Play.
    • Thich Nhat Hanh is probably the most well-known voice on mindfulness. He’s written several books including The Miracle of Mindfulness. Such a wonderful read! I go back to his books again and again.

  • “I Can’t Write.”: Lies I Tell Myself Sometimes

    I struggled with my writing this semester. This is a confusing and (sort of) funny announcement when I look back at last month’s post about my success in publishing. What began with unexpected criticism about my writing in late August spiraled into several months of self-doubt and negative thinking. At one point it became so bad that I considered dropping out of the doctoral program; something I haven’t thought about since my first year. Whenever I would sit down to write, self-defeating thoughts would swarm in my head. Thoughts like, “This is terrible.”,”What will so-and-so say about this?”, “You’re not smart enough.” These thoughts would cripple me. I couldn’t write more than a paragraph before re-reading, editing, reediting, and finally deleting everything.

    I know I can write. I’m a good writer, and I work hard. I’ve been published in three (soon-to-be four) peer-reviewed academic journals. But there’s a difference between knowing I can write and believing I can write. So, how did I overcome this fear of writing and actually write? (I’m still battling this fear. This will probably be something I struggled with for as long as I write.)

    My only answer has been to keep writing. I’ve stuck to a writing schedule that I started during my first year. It’s a very simple schedule — I write every day. EVERY DAY. I always have a goal for each writing day, usually beginning, working on, or finishing a section of something. Some days I writing a lot, some day just a bit. And this summer I began writing with a group of friends (who are also LIS doc students). Our informal writing group meets regularly at coffee shops to write together, talk about our work, and provide a “you can do it!” when needed. I like working and talking with people who enjoy what they do. It’s good for my mental health and my writing. Dissertation work can be a lonely experience.

    Another approach I use is not worrying so much about what I write in that first draft. The sentences and paragraphs I write don’t need to be astonishingly brilliant, perfect, or mind-blowing. It’s just a draft, only for me. There will be plenty of time for edits, pondering, advice, and rewrites. In this moment, the words I write isn’t for anyone else but me. It doesn’t matter what someone else will think, recommend, or question. That will matter latter, but even then I’m writing mainly for myself.

    Writing is hard. It’s always been hard for me. But there’s something wonderful about the process of writing — from that first blank page to the published piece. It’s a lovely experience to see your writing evolve and become stronger because of (or sometimes in spite of) challenges. I think it’s worth it.

    Happy New Year! Here’s to a happy and productive 2015!

    What are you looking forward to in 2015?

    How do you deal with writing (or other) struggles?

  • Writing Stuff. All the Time.

    In case you missed it, I’ve been writing quite a bit since the beginning of summer. Some of which has actually been published! Here’s a round-up in case you missed them.

    June

    I contributed a bit to Julia Skinner’s post for Hack Library School “Why We Decided on the PhD“. Just a couple of sentences from me about (obviously) why I decided to pursue an doctoral degree. There are many reasons NOT do go this route. Julia is a doctoral candidate in my program; and she’s very knowledgeable about so many things!

    July

    I wrote a guest post for the Letters to a Young Librarian blog called, “Politics Schmolitics! What Does Politics Have to do With Libraries?” My first librarian position was in a small rural library system. My MLIS program didn’t prepare me for the amount of politics (local and state) involved in public libraries. Only working in a library can teach you that.

    September