Dr. Abigail Leigh Phillips

Category: academia

Learning about work-life balance

During April and May I had a mad rush of graduating, then turning right around and teaching a six weeks undergraduate course about social media management. But for the past two months I’ve been trying to do some self-care. In case you haven’t noticed from several other of my posts, the doctoral process is majorly intense. Especially that final year of dissertating. I didn’t have a solid approach to balancing my work life and my personal life. So, I’ve been adventuring into this idea of free time and self-care. This means I stepped away from my dissertation and other projects for awhile. I didn’t stress about immediately turning my finished dissertation into journal articles. I didn’t even stress much about job searching. I tried to move a bit away from the idea of myself as solely an academic. Instead, I thought of myself as someone who has the ability and freedom to relax and de-stress.

So…what have I been doing? First, Blogging. I’ve been cheating on this blog with other blogs. Writing on a personal level through blogging has been a welcomed relief after so much academic writing over the past few years. I’ve been posting on the YALSA blog; and I co-authored a post on the Commons blog with Laura-Edythe Coleman, Ph.D. We discussed how empathy is shown (or not shown) within museums and libraries.

I wrote a post for the YALSA blog about the YALSA’s learning agenda which is part of the division’s new strategic plan. Learn more about the agenda and the plan itself right here! Then, I wrote another post on the YALSA blog about networking, more specifically while attending ALA conferences. You can check it out here.

Second, exploring all the wonderful beaches and cold springs of North Florida. Since moving to Florida, I’ve spent so little time wandering around Florida. It’s a (maybe surprisingly to some) beautiful state. So many parks, beaches, trails, and springs. Finally, I’ve been reading for fun. Without feeling guilty about it (at least no too much). I spent the entire doctoral program avoiding reading for fun. I always felt like I should be working instead. That’s a silly thought. Working 80 hour weeks will not be in my future if I can help it. There’s a lot more to life than work even though academia may tell you otherwise. By blogging, goofing, and reading, I’ve been able to momentarily find my own approach to work-life balance. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep it up, but in the meantime it’s keeping me happy and sane.

In sudden and unexpected news, I’ve accepted a post-doctoral fellowship at Utah State University in the Instructional Technologies and Learning Sciences department. Over the next two years, I’ll learn a lot about the unfamiliar field of Learning Sciences. I’ll also be working on a fun and interesting IMLS grant focusing on small, rural school and public libraries and Makerspaces. In about a month I’ll be moving cross-country with a cat. This should be interesting and/or terrible.

2016-07-31
Not Sure Where to Go From Here…

On April 30, 2016, I graduated with my Ph.D. in Information Studies from the School of Information at Florida State University. What a confusing series of emotions I went through on that day – from anger, sadness, happiness, and dread. It has taken me several weeks to process what “graduating” REALLY means and what it means for me. After being a doctoral student for four years, a Master’s and Specialist student for four, and an undergrad for four, I’m not sure what a school-free life should be like. Should I have more time to do non-school related stuff? How do I do that without feeling guilty that I’m not working on schoolwork? Should I be working overtime to turn all my dissertation work into more publications, conference proposals, and posters? Unfortunately, I’m very tired right now. It’s challenging to find the motivation to do any work, if I’m honest. I don’t know if this is the norm or depression or what, but I’m feel drained thinking about my dissertation. The last thing I want to do is revisit it. At least right now.

I doesn’t help that everything is in limbo as far as my job search is concerned. I have a few possible post-docs, nothing faculty tenure track, and nothing from the professional librarian world. In many ways, I still feel my Ph.D. does me a disservice in searching for librarian positions whether academic or public. Maybe I’ve super educated myself to the point where people assume I’m overqualified for so many jobs. I’ve written about this in a post for Letters to a Young Librarian awhile back. And I still have many of the same concerns. Will library directors assume when they look at my resume that I will demand more money because of my Ph.D.? ( Not the case.) Will they overlook me because they’re concerned I’ll become bored in the job and quit after a year or two? (Doubtful.) I’m still wondering over these questions. Still haven’t had heard much back from the academic and public library jobs I’ve applied to since defending my dissertation. The LIS faculty job market is so bleak right now (particularly in my area of research) that I’ve almost entirely given up on that path.

The library job market is tight right now. At least that’s the impression I get. So much competition, and so many older librarians not retiring. Remember back in 2006 (when I was a very eager MLIS student) when all the librarians I knew kept saying that there would be lots of opening for new librarians coming soon? That there would be a wave of librarians retiring once I graduated. And then the recession hit and that didn’t turn out to be the case.

I also keep asking myself would I be happy working back in the library. I think I would. I love research, but I have enough confidence in myself to know that I can find some way to incorporate research into my potential return to professional librarian life. I do very, very much miss working in the library, especially with teens. I’ve probably mentioned this a few times on this blog. Social media has played a hand in making me miss the library. Reading tweets, tumbles, and Facebook updates has made me more than a little jealous of those who are actually practicing in the library work. This work has its own share of issues, frustrations, and upsets, but I believe that I was contributing to something and really helping people.

I’m also unsure what direction this blog should take. Now that I’ve slugging my way through a Ph.D., what should be the focus of my blog? Since I started it as a doctoral student, my posts have been about academia, research, presenting, and my struggles to overcome my insecurities as an academic. I think I would like to talk more about libraries, librarianship, and all the interesting and confusing aspects of our field. That would give me a whole bunch of stuff I could rant/talk about!

Side note: I STILL don’t know what to say to people who ask me if they should go for a Ph.D. Or if it was all worth it. So far my response is, “Ummm.”Ask me again in a couple of years.

2016-05-31
Defending My Dissertation and Other Things I’ve Experienced Recently

On Monday, February 8, I successfully defended my dissertation. I stood up in front of a room of people and presented my dissertation research, opening myself up to questions and critiques (constructive). I’ve talked about my fear of public speaking on this blog before. While my fear has calmed somewhat, I still hate speaking in front of people. HATE. To help deal with this during my defense, I went with an old school approach. I printed off my lecture notes, glued them to large index cards, and presented with those by my side. To me, this felt like cheating. Shouldn’t I be confident enough to present my hard work to a room full of people who care about me? (No). But as my major professor said, “This isn’t a public speaking competition. It’s a dissertation defense”. It doesn’t really matter. I survived and passed.

I’ve gotten a lot of questions from friends and acquaintances since my defense. “How do you feel now that you’re on the other side?”, “Don’t you feel more relaxed?”, “Has your work load changed”, and my least favorites,”What are your next steps? Where do you go from here?”. I realize people are well-meaning and generally care about me, but I have trouble dealing with these questions. I generally feel a sense of helplessness, frustration, and dread when one of these questions pops up. I’ve decided to respond to these questions in a post (a place where none of these people will ever see my responses).

First, let’s address, “How do you feel now that you’re on the other side?”. Right after the defense, I felt numb. I didn’t know what to feel or think. I went on like this for several days. There’s such a build up (emotionally and intellectually) to the defense. So much anxiety, stress, and fear. It’s hard to know what to feel after the presentation is over, you’ve met with your committee, and all the forms are signed. After awhile, this numbness turned into nothingness. Right now, I feel nothing. I don’t feel happy, excited, sad, or upset about the end of my dissertation or even the end of my doctoral career. I don’t feel anything except a vague sense of confusion. Maybe this is because I have revisions I need to make. It could be that once I complete these minor revisions , I’ll feel like I truly succeeded. Or maybe it’ll be after graduation when I officially receive my PhD and can be called Dr. Phillips. I don’t know.

Second, “Don’t you feel more relaxed? Has your work load changed?”. No and no. I am person who is incapable of fully relaxing. Are there others like me? I should investigate this further. I have trouble relaxing for a variety of reasons, but I right now I can’t relax. Defending my dissertation didn’t help me relax or decrease my workload. I still have to find a job and finish edits to my dissertation. Maybe people believe that after defending your dissertation you have all this free time or can shift gears and work on something else. This hasn’t been the case for me. Perhaps it is for others. Lucky you!

Finally, the questions of “What are your next steps? Where do you go from here?”. Well, looking for a job is what I’m doing (and editing my dis). In all honesty, I don’t know where I’ll go from here. It depends on where I get a job. The job search process is kind of exciting, terrifying, nerve wracking, and frustrating. Applying to jobs is so time consuming and tedious. Sometimes it feels like you’re throwing yourself into the void, forced to patiently wait for some sort of response. I will find a job (I say this in a confident, convincing sort of voice to myself a lot, “Yes, I will!”). Then, go from there.

Hopefully, my ramblings aren’t coming across as negative or concerning. I’m simply using this post as a way to deal with the range of emotions I’m feeling (or not feeling) at the moment. Enjoy the confusion with me!

2016-02-26
Guest Blogging for YALSA

So long ago (January 13), I wrote a guest post for the YALSA blog about my experience at ALISE 2016 Annual Conference and its theme of Radical Change, inspired by Dr. Eliza Dresang and her work with youth services. You can check out what I wrote below or take a look at my original post on the YALSA blog.

“Right before Midwinter, I attended the Association of Library and Information Science Education (ALISE) conference. This year’s the theme, Radical Change, was in honor of Dr. Eliza Dresang who passed away a little over a year ago. Along with being the Beverly Cleary Professor in Children and Young Service at the University of Washington’s Information School, Dr. Dresang also served as former faculty at Florida State University’s School of Information (my current home). Her work has had an impact on many youth services researchers (including myself) and serves as framework for evaluating youth literature, both online and offline.

In 1999, Dr. Dresang published the innovative book Radical Change: Books for Youth in a Digital Age, a book that is still inspiring LIS researchers and librarians today. Radical Change refers to the way in which print books are changing in positive ways along with the evolving digital world. This book in not intended solely for academics, but also for librarians and teachers who learn how to spot and appreciate great books for children and young adults that move beyond the traditional print format.

During the conference, I sat in on several youth services and non-youth services sessions that demonstrated how Radical Change is being incorporated into a range of research areas. To me, these presentations show how youth services are transforming to better meet the needs of young adults. It also shows how LIS faculty (at least some) are recognizing this transformation and incorporating it into their research and MLIS coursework. As always, the ALISE conference turned out to be an excellent lead into my experiences at Midwinter. Along with Radical Change, a supportive theme for the ALISE conference was transformation, inclusion, and innovation. These strongly reflect the theme of this year’s Midwinter, Transform Libraries. Together, these themes show how libraries are in constantly flux, changing and shifting to improve services to patrons and impact their communities.

As a YALSA board member, I saw the influence of Radical Change immediately as we participated in strategic planning to realign the plan with The Future of Library Services for and with Teens: A Call to Actionreport (2014). Much like in Dr. Dresang’s book Radical Change, this report recognizes the paradigm shift that is occurring in youth services. The shift is seen through technology, expanding literacies, connecting learning, and much more. I see a strong connection between Radical Change and YALSA’s Futures report. Clearly, YALSA is dedicated to assisting librarians in improving their work with teens all while keeping an eye on the future direction of teen services.

If you have yet to read Radical Change or The Future of Library Services For and With Teens: A Call to Action report, I would encourage to take the time to do so. The Futures report is a thoughtful and intelligent presentation of the current direction teen services is heading while also demonstrating how librarians can be better prepared to meet these changes. While Radical Change has been out since 1999, it is still an influential book that has significantly inspired the work of LIS researchers, instructors and librarians are passionate about serving young adults.”

2016-02-26