Dr. Abigail Leigh Phillips

Category: dissertation

  • How I’m Dealing With Burnout and My Progress So Far

    How I’m Dealing With Burnout and My Progress So Far

    I’m in the home stretch of my dissertation (and that is the lone sports reference you’ll find in this blog). Currently, I working on the final chapter of my dissertation and set to defend in early February. Of course I’m also juggling writing job applications for faculty and librarian positions and teaching undergrads. How am I coping so far, you ask? As well as I expected to be honest. After receiving some words of wisdom from a friend and current faculty member in Illinois, I focusing more on my dissertation and less on the job hunt. My dissertation is, after all, my number one task this school year. My undergraduates students have been surprisingly understanding when I gently explain to them that the grades for their assignments may a bit late because I am simply too overwhelmed by everything. One person can only handle so much. I know my limits. Well, now I do after lots of hits and misses along the way.

    However, despite this shift in focus, I am still suffering from burnout. I think that it is critical that we are all honest when we experience spells of burnout, depression, anxiety, panic, and frustration. I’m sure we all suffer from these feeling. Maybe in varying degrees but we all do. This blog has been one source of relief from burnout. Even sometimes when I don’t actually write a post, simply constructing a free-form written post in my mind is helpful and somehow relaxing. The other ways I’ve been coping with burnout are not really surprising (if you know me) running, yoga, weight lifting, pleasure reading, and therapy. Something I try to do each day is do one thing that brings me joy. It can be something as simple as going to a bookstore or getting a pedicure. But one thing that makes me happy and takes my mind off of my work and burnout. All this thinking and talking about burnout and stress has made me curious about how others manage (and how well). It’s not an easy thing to do. Avoidance is one path but that path eventually leads to something much darker such as a breakdown, quitting a job, or being fired from a job. Below, I’ve included a short list of some helpful sites about burnout, self-care, and such. Self-care is so important but often overlooked or seen as an indulgence. Making sure you are happy and physically and mentally healthy is not an indulgence.

    Helpful sites on burnout and such:

    LifeHacker’s Burnout and How to Deal With It

    Preventing Burnout: Signs, Symptoms, Causes, and Coping Strategies

    Job Burnout: How to Spot It and Take Action

    Refueling Your Engine: Strategies to Reduce Stress and Avoid Anxiety

    45 Simple Self-Care Practices for a Healthy, Mind, Body, and Soul

    The Internet Wants to Help You Take Care of Yourself

    What do you do when you suffer from burnout? Any helpful tips or suggestions?

  • What if academia isn’t a good fit?

    What if academia isn’t a good fit?

    This question has been on my mind for the past few months, even more so after attending an academic conference in January. As a first semester doc student I would have been confused at my internal debate over this question. When I began the PhD program, my thinking sounded something like this: “Of course academia is a good fit. It’s the ONLY fit and the ONLY reason to get a PhD is to become a tenure-track faculty member.” Still, I kept coming back to this question until two months ago when I realized that I don’t want to go tenured-track. Once I made this decision, I felt an immense sense of relief and, surprisingly, more confident and determined. I don’t HAVE to go down that path. And getting one of these positions appears to be more and more challenging.

    I’ve spent a good chunk of this past year watching friends who are finishing up their dissertations apply for faculty positions. Just the thought of putting myself through that makes me queasy. How much rejection can I deal with while also managing the stress of dissertating? How many cover letters can I write, applications can I complete, jobs can I seek while still giving my dissertation the attention it needs? I’m also researching a sensitive issue (cyberbullying) with minors (teens), which I know will be emotionally, physically, and mentally challenging for me (expect a blog post about conducting sensitive research in the near future). Too much to deal with over the course of one year.

    There’s also this cult of busyness that seems so pervasive in academia that frustrates me. This feelings of “I must be busy or I’m not a worthwhile person” is shared in other professions, but it seems endemic among academics. And it’s happening to me. I’ve begun to notice that I feel guilty when I’m not working and that I worry about my work almost non-stop thorough the day (and night). Of course, I also need to inform people of how busy and stressed I am via social media. None of this is healthy and not how I want to live my life. Not matter how much I love my work (very much!), there still must be a balance between my work and personal lives. I’m a person outside of my work but sometimes I forget.

    Well, what do I want to do? I get asked this question frequently now that I’m dissertating (ABD!). I still want to do research. I love it, and I think I’m good at it. But I want to be more involved with libraries and serving young adults. Much more than is possible in the “theoretical librarian” role I’m playing now. Advocacy and outreach have always appealed to me, or maybe some type of administrative position. If I decide to return to library work, there’s the possibility of my developing research partnerships with LIS schools. There’s so many directions for me career-wise right now. It’s exciting and scary! I’m figuring out another direction for myself instead of focusing so intensely on faculty jobs. The one direction that is encouraged in LIS doctoral programs. It’s too much pressure.  Not every PhD is meant for academia. Thankfully, I’m no longer limiting myself to faculty work.

    I also realize that, six months or so from now, I may decide that I do want a faculty position. There are a few schools who have amazing researchers where I believe my work and interests could be supported. Maybe a position will open up at one one of these schools, and maybe I’ll apply. We’ll see! But right now I have a solid plan of where I want to live, what jobs would be a good fit, and how to make this plan happen. I’ve only sure this plan with my family and a few close friends. Keep this plan private feels necessary right now for some reason.

  • “I Can’t Write.”: Lies I Tell Myself Sometimes

    “I Can’t Write.”: Lies I Tell Myself Sometimes

    I struggled with my writing this semester. This is a confusing and (sort of) funny announcement when I look back at last month’s post about my success in publishing. What began with unexpected criticism about my writing in late August spiraled into several months of self-doubt and negative thinking. At one point it became so bad that I considered dropping out of the doctoral program; something I haven’t thought about since my first year. Whenever I would sit down to write, self-defeating thoughts would swarm in my head. Thoughts like, “This is terrible.”,”What will so-and-so say about this?”, “You’re not smart enough.” These thoughts would cripple me. I couldn’t write more than a paragraph before re-reading, editing, reediting, and finally deleting everything.

    I know I can write. I’m a good writer, and I work hard. I’ve been published in three (soon-to-be four) peer-reviewed academic journals. But there’s a difference between knowing I can write and believing I can write. So, how did I overcome this fear of writing and actually write? (I’m still battling this fear. This will probably be something I struggled with for as long as I write.)

    My only answer has been to keep writing. I’ve stuck to a writing schedule that I started during my first year. It’s a very simple schedule — I write every day. EVERY DAY. I always have a goal for each writing day, usually beginning, working on, or finishing a section of something. Some days I writing a lot, some day just a bit. And this summer I began writing with a group of friends (who are also LIS doc students). Our informal writing group meets regularly at coffee shops to write together, talk about our work, and provide a “you can do it!” when needed. I like working and talking with people who enjoy what they do. It’s good for my mental health and my writing. Dissertation work can be a lonely experience.

    Another approach I use is not worrying so much about what I write in that first draft. The sentences and paragraphs I write don’t need to be astonishingly brilliant, perfect, or mind-blowing. It’s just a draft, only for me. There will be plenty of time for edits, pondering, advice, and rewrites. In this moment, the words I write isn’t for anyone else but me. It doesn’t matter what someone else will think, recommend, or question. That will matter latter, but even then I’m writing mainly for myself.

    Writing is hard. It’s always been hard for me. But there’s something wonderful about the process of writing — from that first blank page to the published piece. It’s a lovely experience to see your writing evolve and become stronger because of (or sometimes in spite of) challenges. I think it’s worth it.

    Happy New Year! Here’s to a happy and productive 2015!

    What are you looking forward to in 2015?

    How do you deal with writing (or other) struggles?

  • Writing Stuff. All the Time.

    In case you missed it, I’ve been writing quite a bit since the beginning of summer. Some of which has actually been published! Here’s a round-up in case you missed them.

    June

    I contributed a bit to Julia Skinner’s post for Hack Library School “Why We Decided on the PhD“. Just a couple of sentences from me about (obviously) why I decided to pursue an doctoral degree. There are many reasons NOT do go this route. Julia is a doctoral candidate in my program; and she’s very knowledgeable about so many things!

    July

    I wrote a guest post for the Letters to a Young Librarian blog called, “Politics Schmolitics! What Does Politics Have to do With Libraries?” My first librarian position was in a small rural library system. My MLIS program didn’t prepare me for the amount of politics (local and state) involved in public libraries. Only working in a library can teach you that.

    September